be my spare lungs.
wrap me up tight in deep maroon notes and brush my
face with liquid-silver sound
don’t breathe with me, don’t breathe into me, just breathe me
i want you to hold me and never let go, i want you to
be worth that one hundred percent surety
that doesn’t matter anymore and is always wrong,
that hurts like hell every morning
and makes me open lockets and scratch out the pictures inside with
angry broken fingernails.
damn this damn this damn you
i am drowning in piles of unretained knowledge and ignoring
the dirty dishes and cat vomit and bottles of painkillers building up around
my bed, instead swallowing a few sleeping pills and turning up the volume,
trying to forget the load of shit ahead of me and
begging you like i have for months,
and i know i am not effective and am not bringing in the lost sheep
but what about that sheep that was me?