i am.

i avoid kitchens now. they make me feel uncomfortable. exposed. the walls know things they shouldn’t. they hold whispers and eyes and lies, and they speak only to me. mine. they have not forgotten. they did not leave.
i admit for a few weeks, i didn’t want to go to college anymore. i didn’t want to see the beach again if i couldn’t share it. i would never, ever touch my guitar again. i didn’t want to compose playlists for desert adventures, i didn’t want to go back to the fish and chips stand and watch the seagulls scream above the waves. memories and plans were not to be tarnished by the salty taste of aloneness. maybe, i thought, it would be better to lie down and close my eyes and only remember and hope. it would be best to laugh about what happened and dream of the future we could find, instead of thinking about now.
i still don’t want reality. but it’s what i choose.
i will choose to see this ache
as something
lovely.

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1 Comment

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One response to “i am.

  1. strong little sister.

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