Monthly Archives: December 2009

Today

Today
I crawled down to the foot of my bed
under the covers
and found my blue, faded journal
with scrawled handwriting
packed tightly between the lines
on stained pages.
Today
I opened it a crack-
just enough to let out memories of
all the things I said and did-
hoping to find an excuse,
a reason,
a lie
That could make it all right again.
Was it really only a year ago?
I asked myself,
thumbing through pages and pages
of stories too shameful to tell.
Today
I tried to read aloud a sentence here,
a paragraph there,
just to test the reality of it all,
and the words nearly made me choke
the instant they touched my tongue.
Today
I took the book
packed full of mistakes,
regrets,
tears,
and what-ifs-
and ripped out sheets of my history,
crumpled them up
as I threw them away.
Today,
I opened a fresh, empty notebook
full of opportunities and chances
(just different words for traps and snares,
you told me that night)
and then set it back down.
It’s too soon to write a sequel-
Today
Is the mystery
Between two tales.

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Confusion

My mind is a maze
Of twists and turns.
The lies are knotted
So deep inside that
One tug
Will tighten the
Fraying threads of thought
Just a little
Too much-
And who will be left
To untangle me?

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Christmas, DCFC, guitars, and bats… aka, what happens when I journal at midnight

I’ve been writing a journal to my amazing cousin Bailey (AKA Mega-Me) over the last eight weeks or so, and I realized while half asleep in bed last night that I needed to write to her about some stuff. Once I got all the important stuff written, however, I began to ramble as I tend to do late at night (for any of you who have ever had a conversation with me after 11, I’m sorry).

We put up our Christmas stuff today. I don’t feel merry.

I have Death Cab for Cutie’s album Plans stuck in my head *insert long quote here I won’t bother to type out*

Xander randomly taught me how to play some Jimi Hendrix song on facebook chat. Thanks?

I have writing on myself.

Surprise! Not.

I am going to bed. Good night, Mega-Me.

P.S. When Xander asked me if I knew that song by Jimi Hendrix, I was like, who? But according to Youtube, this Hendrix person is rather popular and I didn’t want to sound like a musical idiot.

P.P.S. FIVE! Five pens/pencils went into the writing of this entry! FIVE!

P.P.P.S I’m done now.

P.P.P.P.S You know what scares me? Bats. Eew. Especially cannibalistic bats. Like, what the flagnod!? Bat eating bats!?

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