Monthly Archives: March 2009

Out of ideas

I have no decent blogging material right now. I can’t think of a single thing you guys would be interested in. It might be a while before I find something, but I promise I will post once there’s something coolish. Hopefully in the next week or so.

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Sound

If I could write poetry, I would be composing poems, hiakus, songs, ballads to the electric keyboard. I’m in love with it. It’s so cool to be able to walk out in the middle of the night and play piano. It’s very cool to sit in the dark and play really loud sort of sad music at the top of your….lungs? At the top of the amount of pressure your fingertips can apply to the keys?! Whatever, I like it. I’ve got four songs I’m working on right now, Iris, What Sarah Said, Ashokan Farewell, and my Minuet. I ignore my minuet frequently. I hate it and have no interesting in playing it for a recital. But whatever, who says I have to play it at home. Right now about 40 percent of my time is spent playing the piano.

And no one cares I’m sure. But I love playing the piano and I just had to get that out because it is so stinking cool. Isn’t sound awesome? I love sound. It’s the best thing in the world. How cool is it, really? When I put my fingertips down on the white keys I hear something. I can’t see if or feel it or tell it’s there but there’s sound. I think out of all the things on earth God made, sound was the best. I would lose any of my senses before sound. And I think sound is the hardest thing to describe. Try as hard as you like. It’s impossible.

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LRRHer party for reals

I’m in shock. Good shock. Thrilled, excited, screaming at the top of my lungs shocked.

I started screaming when Erin told me she was coming into town. And I was screaming when I found out we could probably get Taylor Swift concert tickets to go to. And then dear Holly told me… she was flying out too.

I’m still absorbing this. TWO awesome internet friends at the same time? Like, three of us LRRHrs all together at once?! Doing fun things? You guessed it. More screaming. And my mind started jumping around fun things to do. The first, of course, was stalk Stephenie Meyer, but she’d probably get mad and turn us into bedazzled mythological creatures with attractive breath and a talent for playing the piano and put us in a book and let us do nothing but smirk.

I’m happy. So so so happy and excited. I mean, imagine pillow fights with LRRHers. REAL sleepovers with LRRHers. So fun. I just need to go order some frog legs first.

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I saw Edward Cullen’s grave today.

Today was my Grandad’s burial. We were walking through the rows of graves and looking at names, since my aunt’s dad is buried at the American war veteran’s cemetary. And as I was looking through names… I saw it.

Edward Cullen.

I kid you not.

I sat there with my hands over my mouth trying not to laugh uncontrollably. I couldn’t tell if it said “Cullen” or “Gullen” as the type was pretty hard to read, but I was dying of mirth sad as I was. In the car I let loose and laughed and laughed. I was very tempted to spit on the grave, but you know, that was a real person not the real Edward so I would never have done that. I had skimmed through the names of row after row after row on the graves, and found that one.

Oh, it was priceless.

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“special needs”

It really stinks that my mom and dad are done adopting.

Because I’m falling head over heels in love with several specific Chinese special needs babies.

and I feel horrible for some of them. It’s ridiculous what’s considered “special needs” sometimes.  Here, having one eye pointing in a slightly different direction and being farsighted would in no way mark a child as SN. Babies with port wine birthmarks are marked as SN. That’s not special needs. That’s stained-looking skin.

Not to say some of these kids aren’t really SN. Some of them do have real problems. It’s just so sad to me to see these 8+ year old kids who haven’t been adopted yet and have serious problems because of it, physical and emotional-wise. Seeing the pictures and stories of real, living breathing babies and older kids makes you want to go over there and take them all home with you, but a few in particular. It really stinks, actually, falling in love with a baby and knowing you can’t do anything to help.

At least these SN kids have a chance of being adopted. Right now they’re the only Chinese babies you can adopt, and they’re the only babies you can adopt more than 1 of at the same time. But I still want to help them, because not all of them are going to get adopted.

It’s a kind of sad thought.

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Miley Cyrus

Well since it seems like it’s confession time (See Jess’s blog) I think I’d better confess my current love of Miley Cyrus’s album Breakout.

Sure, it’s not all that great. But there are a few songs I like. Simple Song, These Four Walls, Wake up America, they’re kind of cool. Catchy and I enjoy listening to them. I actually like her voice.

But um, listening through this album, I found Bottom of the Ocean. Until 2:07 it’s bearable… ugh though I hate the rest. It’s so weird and not a thing like she usually sings. I seem to go back and forth from it being OK to my hating it and right now I don’t like it at all. And Girls just Wanna Have Fun…. Miley ruined it.

But on the bright side, I love The Climb. And the video is *awesome*!

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Wreck

Right now, emotions are a wreck. Last night my Grandad passed away, after being unconscious for about 24 hours. Right now everyone’s kind of gone into overdrive trying to distract themselves from cold harsh reality, working as hard as we can on whatever we can. So far most of us have teared up but I haven’t seen anyone really crying. We were all expecting it so there was no shock or being caught off guard. But I’m feeling discombobulated. It feels like it’s not sinking into my head, although it has. I’m not in denial or heartbroken, but I feel like I should be. I’ve been almost acting like I’m not realizing what’s happened. My dad told me this morning (I found out last night but he only officially broke the news this morning) and my only response was “Oh, how’s my grandmother?”  There haven’t been any long crying episodes for me. In fact, no short ones either. I woke up and found out and felt totally and completely normal. Got ready, went to my Grandmother’s to make funeral plans, and except for a bit of an empty and surprised feeling usually I’m feeling normal.

Everyone has been, actually. I’m able to break the news without crying, without choking up, without sounding even attached. I’m totally matter of fact most of the time, which is NOT normal. Even when my Gramp died, who I didn’t honestly care about, I cried hard for a while. When my cat and Gram died, I was very fond of both and cried hard. But now when the person I quite possibly loved more then anyone in the entire world died, I didn’t cry. A tear leaked out on reflex, and that was it. I expected I would cry nonstop for days, and I haven’t. It’s not that I don’t care. I do, so much. I think it’s partly because  it’s unimaginable what life will be like now. I can’t in any possible way imagine life without him, so it’s like nothing can make me sad in general because I can’t imagine anything being better or worse.

But it kind of hits hard when it does. Sometimes I will sit down feeling perfectly fine and it hits hard and there’s a minute where I am completley empty and it’s hard to breathe. I could be walking around sweeping the porch and it crushes me for a minute and there’s an extreme urge to break down, but literally a second later it stops and I’m back to normal. Except for a few minutes, hugging my grandmother and great-grandmother as tight as possible and being quiet, or one long look here or there, life is average. So if I’m acting weird, it’s because everything is weird right now.

If you guys could just pray for our family right now that would be appreciated very much. Thanks so much.

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