GRAPPLES, OR, THE END OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT!

The grapple.

 

Would you like proof that life as we know it is about to change dramatically? Look no further than this.

 

Now that you have read all about this terrifying fruit, I want you to close your eyes and imagine this:

Five short years from now, grapples parade through every street, striking fear into the hearts of all who set eyes on their unnatural forms. People stand up in great crowds singing hymns of praise to the grapple, and go around the world wiping out all other fruits. It’s Nazi Germany again, but with fruit.

Of course, such a notion is ridiculous. Grapples can’t walk. Yet.

But there is still great danger here. Life shall change. Think about it… once we can combine an apple and a grape, what can hold us back? We can no longer be content with an apple, or a grape. They’re not good enough… we want them better, we want them together, we want it now, and we will do anything necessary to get what we want. Even if it is bathing an apple in grape juice.

I personally think that it is morally wrong to soak an apple in grape juice. That is like soaking a human in armadillo blood. In fact, maybe some day that too will be reality. Maybe we will invent some mutant kind of chinchilla/armadillo/goldfish. We’ll call it the “chinadillofish.” Maybe they will breed humans with the chinadillofishes. I, for one, hope to be dead by that day. I propose a SOLUTION!

 

DO NOT BUY THE GRAPPLES. PROVE TO THE GOVERNMENT (because we all know the government is behind this) THAT WE WILL NOT STAND SUCH CORRUPTION. Rally together! Go door to door, explaining the terrible things mankind has now achieved! Raise awareness of the danger! Such horror must be stopped. We must nip it in the bud. For the sake of mankind, for the sake of your children, put a stop to the madness.

 

Support my cause. Tips welcome.

 

My excuse, if I fail NaNoWriMo

BLAME

I wrote such a beautiful book for you

‘Bout rainbows and sunshine

And dreams that come true.

But the goat went and ate it

(You knew that he would),

So I wrote you another one

Fast as I could.

Of course it could never be

Nearly as great

As that beautiful book

That the silly goat ate.

So if you don’t like

This new book I just wrote-

Blame the goat.

~Shel Silverstein

Why I don’t think this novel is going so well

1. Justina is insufferable.
2. Justina discovers authors.
3. Justina begins to think that might be a cool job.
4. She tries it.
5. It is.
6. She is, in her own mind, supreme ruler of her little world.
7. But outwardly seems sane.
8. Kinda.
9. She is falling in love with her own character.
10. Said character comes to life seemingly.
11. She does not realize this is not her character.
12. But even if she did she would not care.
13. She starts to kind of hate this character.
14. But in a lovey way.
15. Even if he has a stupid name.
16. Daniel. How ordinary.
17. She flat out refuses to call him Dan.
18. AND THEN.
19. The Cheezit Incident.
20. Oh, the Cheezit Incident.
21. After the Cheezit Incident, Daniel faces her wrath.
22. Oh, her wrath.
23. Her character is given a terminal illness.
24. Muahahaha.
25. BUT THEN!
26. Oh no. Daniel has said terminal illness.
27. AND IT IS ALL HER FAULT!
28. Justina rethinks life.
29. Quickly.
30. She swears to give up writing.
31. And does.
32. She now hates her life.
33. And Daniel still has terminal illness.
34. Daniel dies.
35. Poor Daniel.
36. She regrets not calling him Dan.
37. And giving him terminal illness.
38. Therefore killing him.
39. She kills herself.
40. I don’t think this novel is very satisfying.

So…. yeah. When I can’t write, this is what I do.

Nod, smile, and become

invisible.

That’s all it takes

and they believe every word

you say.

 

It’s been months

and no one else will

just talk about it.

I know they all miss him

but they don’t mention it.

So I play along

and they’ve never seen me shed

a single tear.

How could I forget!?

I would forget to glare down the kids who compliment me on my Tonks costume and tell them that it’s not a costume, insolent brats.

 

I was so looking forward to that. I hate being sick. Things like that completely slip my mind when I’m trying to stay awake, not throw up, and not speak because it hurts.

 

Happy Halloween all.

Oh dear. There goes November.

I know I’m going to hate myself for this by mid November, but I signed up for NaNoWriMo. Well… I signed up for the adult NaNoWriMo site, but then I thought.. hmm. I never got to 50,00, and the goal was enough to make me not WANT to write because it seemed completely unachievable… and I never got to it. So I followed Christina’s lead, and went and joined the kid’s site. Set my goal for 35,000 instead of 50. I know that’s REALLY short.. but if I get it written and it motivates me to write more afterwards too, then I figure it’s more profitable then if I was struggling along and hating it.

 

Should be interesting.

God’s spiderwebs

I’ve always sort of pictured God as a spider

(In a highly reverent way, of course)

spinning the threads of our lives together

in a predetermined pattern, into a huge web-

all if it tying together, each strand conencted to the others.

It’s an intricate dance, a beautiful, dizzying design

as He weaves and snips and spins.

It’s a sometimes slow, sometimes lightning fast process

that no one truly understands the meaning behind,

but the real question is not how, it is this.

When the web is finished, what will we see in it?

Will we appreciate the effort and time it took to create

and marvel at it, and wonder “How?”

Or will we ignore it every day, not noticing or caring when it’ s gone?

Or will we stand in awe of its Maker, and treasure it

until wind and time blow it away?

Will we wonder where each strand blew to,

and if the threads could ever be put together again?

One thing is certain- we could never mend a broken web

with our clumsy fingers, and thoughtless mistakes abounding.

But I always think of the pieces of this crazy masterpiece

blowing out of sight into heaven where God reconstructs it

into a perfect, flawless work, that we could never hope to catch a glimpse of or be a part of-

(or could we?)

or even wrap our minds around.

But the one big difference in God and spiderwebs I have observed

is that no one can smash, poison, or in any way restrain God,

or rip apart the web He spins from of our insignificant, tiny lives.

 

The Hitch-hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

I’m currently on chapter 6? of the second book of the Hitch-hiker’s Quartet by Douglad Adams. And I am convinced it is one of the funniest books ever. After we read Lord of The Rings for my eighth time this autumn, we’re going to read the quartet aloud. Full review coming after I finish the whole thing. But so far it’s improving a confusing week quite a bit.

Permit me a rant about people.

People are so confusing.

Right now, after a really insane last few months, all I have to say is… well, I have a lot to say. Most of it involving “Why did she do that?” and “Why did he say that?” and “What’s up with me?” and “Wow, they’re really confusing.”

When people start making sense… never mind, that’s not going to happen. Forget it.

*begin rant*

But really, people! Why must we be so illogical? I’d blame it on human nature, but a lot of things about people that are bothering me right now completely defy human nature. It’s not natural at all. Even the lies I keep on hearing don’t match up with… humanity.

Why can’t your yes be yes and your no be no? I’m sick of trying to guess what you mean, and why you say something. It’s hard enough to understand what you DO mean when you DO mean it. So when you start saying things you don’t mean and not saying the things that you do mean and that are really important… how am I supposed to figure this out?

Life would be so much easier if people just told the truth no matter what. Or would it be harder? I get mad at people not being completely honest… but then I look at myself and realize I’m doing the same thing, and maybe the little white lies are okay because I’m just trying to be nice to people.

But I get upset when other people do things just to be nice to me… it makes me angry and wonder what they’re hiding behind the niceness. Yes, they’re trying to be tactful. Well, to heck with tact.

So I’m making a goal to try and be as honest as I possibly can be while still being loving to other people.

And I would really appreciate it if you would make that a goal, too, people. It would make my life a lot simpler, and maybe I would be getting more sleep at night. And maybe as a result, I wouldn’t be too tired to figure out what you mean better. And maybe I’d be less stressed out. And maybe I’d get more sleep at night. And on and on it goes.

Thank you.

*rant over*

That’s My King!

One of the women at my church posted the lyrics to the song Smile by Chris Rice on facebook the other day. Now, for those of you who’ve heard it, he sang the song Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus) which in my opinion is one of the most amazing Christian songs ever written. It’s been a pretty special song in my life.

I’d never bothered to listen to anything else by him, but I went and listened to Smile anyway. I’m very glad I did- it’s a really, really beautiful song. There are so many days when all I want is just to go home, so I really identify with this one.

And (yes, I know, I’m going video posting crazy here) at church yesterday towards the end they played this video…

Now THAT is my kind of preaching. One of our pastors was joking we were going to listen to it every Sunday, and I would be MORE than happy if we did.

But I wish I could describe Him to you.