The grapple.
Would you like proof that life as we know it is about to change dramatically? Look no further than this.
Now that you have read all about this terrifying fruit, I want you to close your eyes and imagine this:
Five short years from now, grapples parade through every street, striking fear into the hearts of all who set eyes on their unnatural forms. People stand up in great crowds singing hymns of praise to the grapple, and go around the world wiping out all other fruits. It’s Nazi Germany again, but with fruit.
Of course, such a notion is ridiculous. Grapples can’t walk. Yet.
But there is still great danger here. Life shall change. Think about it… once we can combine an apple and a grape, what can hold us back? We can no longer be content with an apple, or a grape. They’re not good enough… we want them better, we want them together, we want it now, and we will do anything necessary to get what we want. Even if it is bathing an apple in grape juice.
I personally think that it is morally wrong to soak an apple in grape juice. That is like soaking a human in armadillo blood. In fact, maybe some day that too will be reality. Maybe we will invent some mutant kind of chinchilla/armadillo/goldfish. We’ll call it the “chinadillofish.” Maybe they will breed humans with the chinadillofishes. I, for one, hope to be dead by that day. I propose a SOLUTION!
DO NOT BUY THE GRAPPLES. PROVE TO THE GOVERNMENT (because we all know the government is behind this) THAT WE WILL NOT STAND SUCH CORRUPTION. Rally together! Go door to door, explaining the terrible things mankind has now achieved! Raise awareness of the danger! Such horror must be stopped. We must nip it in the bud. For the sake of mankind, for the sake of your children, put a stop to the madness.
Support my cause. Tips welcome.